Fear of rejection is one of the biggest problems we face as entrepreneurs – even though sometimes, we don’t like to admit this to ourselves. If you had any kind of rejection in your childhood or growing into an adult, the pain can really stick with you.
When my Dad left my siblings and I, in our teens to be with another woman and my Mum’s life fell apart, we experienced a feeling of rejection, which would later affect our intimate relationships.
So what has fear of rejection got to do with people holding you back?
Well you will be suprised how much we seek acceptance from those who are close to us…
Do you ever feel like your friends or family are going to reject you once you are “successful”? Or maybe you already are and you have noticed that these people are distancing themselves from you because you are in a different place to them?
It’s like they are uncomfortable with the newer, wiser, more successful person that you have become and they don’t know how to “be” with you any longer.
You can sense you are out-growing them and going on a different path but you can’t let go… Deep down you NEED their acceptance and approval, because your ego tells you so.
I know this feeling only too well. Since my Dad “rejected” us all those years ago, I continued to seek his approval. As a successful businessman with a no nonsense attitude, I despised his values and morals yet I respected his determination and success. I yearned to please him and make him proud of me.
That was until his world came crashing down and his business with it. I saw a very lonely man, with nothing left and had to see him try and rebuild his life, at a stage where he should have been relaxing and preparing for a comfortble retirement.
I realized that all this time, I was seeking approval that was all in my head because my own personal fears. I had found peace in myself through personal development and was living life on my terms, in my passion. No-one could take that away from me.
In the past year I have gone through yet another transformation in myself and this made it very difficult to relate to people around me who are not in the same mindset. At first I gave in. I continually allowed people to give me their opinion. I allowed friends to come round during the day which was supposed to be my work time, I continued to say yes to things…. because I didn’t have the heart to say no….and allowed my (unconscious) fear of rejection to keep me held back just enough to stop my true potential….
When I “let go” and decided to follow my path without any distractions and accept whatever outcome was thrown at me, I was amazed at the results. Here is what I found, after I stopped people holding me back:
- My confidence doubled
- My “real” friends accepted the “new” me and became more attentive & accepting
- My “not-so-real” friends dropped out of my life to allow space for new connections who really “get” me
- My family respected my courage & strength
- I got more done in less time
- I spent more time developing myself
- I got my vision clear, planned and executed
Here are 3 steps I have learned to stop ANYONE from holding you back:
#1: Ignore anyone with a negative attitude. Get them off your radar (harsh but true)
#2: Surround yourself with people who get you and will push your journey forward
#3: Be yourself at all times and know that your journey is right for you. Forget anyone else!
I would love to hear your feedback! What do you think? Has anyone ever held you back and how did you deal with it if so? Comment below!
Lots of love,
Carly Taylor
P.S Just for the record – my Dad and I have a great relationship now! 
P.P.S Click “Continue Reading” To comment and see comments
September 8th, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Carly – great article, I think you have hit the nail on the head, I think we are all guilty of seeking approval from others, that ‘wanting to be loved’ syndrome. I have found it interesting as my property path has progressed my friends have naturally grown more in the property arena, I am not sure if this has been a deliberate decision on my part, or just a natural progression – because they ‘just get me’. Last night I sat round a table with 12 other highly successful people, all whom are ‘doing it in property’ – the support of each other, and our plans made it a fantastic evening.
As for me, I have a burning desire to empower other women into the property investing arena, to help them make that step into feeling more in control of their future. So your comments above about ignoring anyone with a negative attitude is so true, as I come across many women who doubt their own abilities, because other people or circumstances have chipped away at their confidence. I set up http://www.venuspropertymentoring.co.uk purely to help other women flourish………now is the time to invest and I have a passion to help other women to succeed and for them not to be held back in anyway. Gill
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September 8th, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Hi Carly
What you have written here is so true for all of us who are trying to fulfil our passion. It can be really hurtful when someone doesn’t believe in what you are doing, thinks you are ‘ripping off’ people and generally makes you feel unhappy.
But the only person who can stop us from being who we can be is US! So often we sabotage ourselves and it is only by truly focussing on our goals that we can really begin to move forward into the person we are meant to be.
However, I believe that can only happen when we are ready within ourselves to move on. We can know things in our heads, but unless the real deep understanding and desire is there, we may start on something, but lack the will-power to carry it through.
We have to accept that it is so often through ‘failing’ that we learn lessons that help us to move on.
I like the quote: “There are no mistakes, only learning opportunities”.
If we learn from and apply your three steps, there is no reason why we shouldn’t be successful ourselves in our time.
Hilary
September 8th, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Hi Gill,
Thanks for your reply. It’s so true isn’t it? I think what you are doing is amazing and I love how you have the mentoring side to your property business, which is what people really need. I look forward to meeting you and hopefully having some kind of partnership together!
Carly x
September 8th, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Hey Hilary,
Failing is the only way forward. I actually enjoy failing at all areas of life because it teaches me so much in the process. I love the quote and believe that wholeheartedly. Once people understand their passion and have the confidence to see it through and make those important life changes, they really will let nothing hold them back.
Carly x