I was lucky enough to meet my partner in this Internet Marketing industry and therefore, we shared the same dream and vision which has enabled us to not only work together but to live together 24 hours a day and still have a solid secure, happy relationship.

My previous relationships always ended with me feeling that I wasn’t getting enough from the other person. I was selfish. I felt I had so much to give and felt cheated when it wasn’t reciprocated which led to resentment and we drifted apart. Not to mention the jealousy, anger and general disrespect we shared after a long time together. I guess I never felt I could really be me and tried to change who I am to suit their needs and vice versa.

When I met Derren it immediately felt different. He seemed a free spirit like me and was always happy and positive on the phone when speaking to me. He lived 300 miles away by the coast but we had an amazing connection that I had never felt before.

The first year was blissful. When you fall in love it is like a tidal wave of emotion. As I’m sure you know, you get that beautiful feeling and literally go to heaven when you are with them and sharing your new intimacy.

The next couple of years were a mixture of good and bad as we had to deal with the trauma of Brandon (my son) being ill and this led me to feeling more anxious and down. Add on the pressures of succeeding individually as entrepreneurs without a solid income and we suffered quite a lot. Inevitably this took a toll on us and soon we were fighting every day and drifting further apart. Our intimacy levels dropped dramatically and I would have sooner stayed in the spare room than share a bed……..Things were that bad.

Having been through (and still on) my personal development journey, I learned so much about relationships and where I (and the men in my life) were going wrong. After implimenting simple strategies I discovered how easy things could be if you essentially just ‘let go’.

We now have our strong relationship back and it feels like the first year we were together again. We are together 24 hours a day EVERY day (pretty much) and we still have that passion and respect for each other.

Here are some secrets I learned that when put in to practice, really can help you maintain or gain a happy long term relationship.

Be Yourself…

It’s hard when you first meet someone not to put on a bit of a front, mainly to impress them. This is particularly true for men! but as the relationship develops it can be even harder to be yourself, especially if the other person dislikes something  that you do or say. People try desperately to change to suit the other person, when really, it’s silly because you fell in love with them in the first place for being who they are. By being you and standing your ground, this will gain you respect, even if your habits annoy the hell out of the other person! Lol.

Stop Trying To Control Your Partner…

This is one I struggled with for a little while. If you are a strong character it can be hard not to overpower your partner, especially if they are more laid back. There is nothing worse than someone telling you what to do, and on a regular basis. It can wear you down and decrease your productivity by worrying what they are doing all the time.

Eliminate Jealousy and Replace With Trust…

Jealousy is one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. If your partner has cheated on you in the past then it can be harder to trust them and not feel jealous, but if you have no reason to believe they have hurt you and by letting go of that emotion and trusting that them, it can only benefit the relationship and your confidence in the stability of you both makes for a more relaxing, peaceful experience.

Allow Your Partner To Just ‘Be’…

We put pressure on ourselves to be good at all that we do and punish ourselves emotionally when we fail. Because of this, it can overlap into relationships and we demand the same expectations from our partner as we do for ourselves. By allowing them to just be and do things in their own way it actually helps them be the best they can because of the freedom that is experienced. Freedom allows creativity and increases good feeling. You are both invididual people with different way, thoughts and emotions. conecentrate on YOU and what YOU are doing and you will notice your partner does the same and everything feels more relaxed. This is so important for a healthy partnership.

Make Time For Each Other Every Day…

Being an entrepreneur can be a busy existence to say the least! Once you get caught up in your daily routine it can be hard to focus on anything else, especially your loved ones. Working from home requires discipline. Set up a daily schedule with specific time slots and stick to them. Ensure your priorities like your partner and your family are allocated quality time every single day. Even if it is just sitting together at meals and talking without the TV on or other interruptions. You will stay connected this way and look forward to your quality time together.

Encourage and Support Their Beliefs…

Being individual people you are bound to have some areas where you believe different things, even if for the most part your dreams are the same and you are heading in the same direction. Our beliefs and principles are what make us truly unique and who we are. By knocking your partners beliefs you will knock their confidence and this can either build resentment or make them supress who they really are to suit you.

One thing I have personally learned to do is to take an active interest in my partner’s ideas and beliefs and try them for myself before deciding if they are for me or not. If they are then great. This is something we can now share on an ongoing basis. If they are not then I accept then it is not for me but still listen attentively when he talks about it and respect him for it. Besides, debate is healthy!

Make Time For Fun…

When you are in the beginning of the relationship, everything is fun. You go to wonderful places, laugh at each others jokes, see lots of cool things and you think this period will last forever. As time goes on and life gets in the way the fun can be replaced with work, family etc. This is when you think the ‘spark’ has gone. Having fun requires conscious effort and if you’re not feeling in a fun mood then your partner wont either. Choose something at least once a week that you would both consider fun. Even better choose a random day and do something spontaneous together. By having fun and sharing laughter you will find that the spark you that had gone is always there… it just sometimes gets hidden.

Be Best Friends….

Do you think of your partner as your best friend? Do you respect them? Tell them all your secrets? If not then you may want to question why not. Your partner is with you a lot of the time so it makes sense that you have that friendship when spending so much time together. People often misunderstand the key to long term success in relationships and that is companionship. Passionate love can be amazing but it is usually short and intense after that initial euphoric feeling wears off. Companion-ate love however is slower, but has more substance. This kind of love will last a life time. Decide for yourself which works better for you and if you’re not already, become bestest buds!

Give Give Give…

I have made this mistake several times before in the past. giving to receive. When you start giving to your partner, even just the little things and not expecting anything in return, you will naturally make your partner WANT to do things for you because of the kindness that you are always expressing to them. When you nag and demand and EXPECT you are bound to end up being disappointed, because no-one wants to feel they have to do something.

Express your Love…

I can go two weeks or more without saying the words ‘I love you’ and it has no effect on our relationship whatsoever. The reason being, that we express our love throughout the day through hugs and kisses and small acts of intimacy. When you can show your partner you love them, the words are not important because they feel the warmth from you.Next time your partner upsets you, grab them and kiss them and I guarantee by doing the reverse you will no longer feel that annomisty, just love love love baby!

So remember, be open, warm, kind, accepting, trusting and respectful. It sounds easy when I put it like that but it takes effort to sustain it.

Here’s a little quote for you about love.

“Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.”

I hope this helps you a little.

Lots of Love,

Carly Taylor x